Why did He choose to come when He did?

It must have been a dark time…the era Jesus was born into. Close to 500 years passed from what was written in the book of Malachi and the beginning of the New Testament. The people of Israel are no longer sovereign and haven’t been for hundreds of years. Sure, the temple has been rebuilt, but it is much smaller and the religion of Israel had become deeply politicized. The people of Israel had, on one side, a “brood of vipers” governing their moral lives and on the other side they were being passed around from being the captives of one nation to another. Their identity was lost and hope seemed far, far away. Why then, of all times, did God choose to come to Earth?

In reading through the Old Testament lately I have seen God moving in mighty ways in the lives of ordinary men. These men, although flawed, were about resting in God’s righteousness over their own. Men like Gideon, David, Abraham, and Joseph are just a few examples. These men were men of “unclean lips” and yet God used them. They were men, like any other man, but they sought out God with all their heart. When they wavered, or when they rested in their own righteousness, that’s when bad things happened. Unfortunately, it almost seemed like, for these men and the people of the time, staying righteous was an uphill battle. You see, these men all failed God at various times in their lives. They started out well, but as time went on, they made more errors. Now these men were holy men, men of God, but it seems that the trend was that man was…hopelessly lost. Indeed that was the case. God knew that what we needed was a savior. As humans we just didn’t have it in us to be able to stay on the straight and narrow. They/we needed a savior. I can almost feel the hopelessness as I think back on that. The men, the leaders whom the Israelites looked up to…kept failing them and failing God. It makes sense then that the cry of the nation was for God to bring about their deliverer. Rich Mullins captured their cry so well:

“Joseph took his wife and her child, and they went to Africa
To escape the rage of a deadly king
There along the banks of the Nile, Jesus listened to the song
That the captive children used to sing
They were singin'

My Deliverer is coming - my Deliverer is standing by
My Deliverer is coming - my Deliverer is standing by
He will never break His promise - He has written it upon the sky
My Deliverer is coming - my Deliverer is standing by”

There was an air of hopelessness, but yet there in the midst of it all was a glimmer of hope in their cry to God. He heard their cries and brought forth their…OUR savior. Jesus stepped off His throne to be born, to live, to die. Our deliverer is coming…our deliverer CAME and He is still with us. We don’t have to rely on ourselves, because we now have God in us. The Holy Spirit now dwells in us. We don’t have to worry about the uphill battle because Jesus is our Emmanuel our God with us.

So, to answer the question why God chose to come down to us, to be born when He did…well…I don’t know. What I do know is that is fits in EXACTLY to His divine plan. God’s timing is perfect. Although we don’t have the answers now, it will all make sense in the end. What we do know is that Jesus was born…born to a virgin, He was born in a stable because there was no room at the inn, shepherds kept watch, and multitudes of angels praised God saying "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." This birth literally split the calendar in two and this child grew up, was/is God walking amongst us, was betrayed, put on trial, tortured, brutally crucified, died and then three days later He rose from the dead victorious. He did this for you and for me. So although I don’t know why God chose to come when He did, I sure am thankful that He did come when He did. I have life now and do not have to fear eternal death. This is God’s gift to you as well…if you’ll receive it. Merry Christmas to all and God Bless!

I close with this:

O Holy Night
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees,
O hear the angels' voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born
O night divine,
O night divine,
O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need; to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!

So, Yeah…There’s a Battle Going On

Yes, you read that right! If you didn’t know, there’s a war going on around us. Sure, it LOOKS peaceful outside. I mean, right now we aren’t dodging bullets or hiding for our lives, but there IS a battle raging on. This war carries on all around us, daily. It isn’t a war we can see, but be assured, the enemy is there. The older I get, the more aware I become of these things. I see just how easy it is for me to get distracted and just how easy it is to let the enemy in. You see, the enemy hasn’t been forceful; in fact, the enemy has been quite the opposite. The enemy has a subtle way about himself, but being aware of this is enough to get my blood boiling. I’ve seen much loss in my life, much pain, much sorrow simply because I wasn’t paying attention, I wasn’t prepared. No more. As Michael Buffer puts it “ladies and gentlemen….let’s get ready to rumble!!!”

I’ve been reading through the book of 1 Samuel and let me tell you, if you didn’t realize there was a war going on, you need to read 1 Samuel. Sure, this is a historical account from the Old Testament, but every single day I’ve found something incredibly applicable in reading through Samuel. This was a time where the enemy was on all sides of Israel. War seems to be a central theme to this book, or at least one of the central themes. The Israelites fiercely battled the Philistines on many occasions. Back then, the custom for the Israelites was to take the Ark with them into battle. The Ark was the very presence of God. Throughout the Old Testament it seemed that anytime the Israelites would bring the Ark into battle, they would be victorious. With God for us, who can be against us? God will always be victorious. That was lesson number one for me in reading through 1 Samuel.

The second lesson of war I learned was something dealing a little more with how subtle the enemy truly is. In 1 Samuel 21, David is fleeing for his life from Saul who wants to kill him. He flees to Gath, looking for some kind of refuge. Gath was a Philistine city and the Philistines were no ally to the Israelites.

1 Samuel 21: 10-15
“That day David fled from Saul and went to Achish king of Gath. But the servants of Achish said to him, ‘Isn't this David, the king of the land? Isn't he the one they sing about in their dances:
'Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands’?’
David took these words to heart and was very much afraid of Achish king of Gath. So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard. Achish said to his servants, ‘Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house’?”

David was looking for safety. He was running for his life, and his run led him right into the presence of his enemy. Now the enemy was all to welcoming to David. Their mindset was any enemy of my enemy is my friend. That is indeed the mindset of the enemy of our souls. The enemy wants our attention and wants our focus. The enemy desires us to be an enemy to God. David realized that his enemies were all too welcoming to him and, although they welcomed him in, they intended to do him harm. This is why he acted like a madman so that he could escape. So it should be with us. We should be very aware that the enemy wants our attention, but at the same time the enemy is here only to steal, kill and destroy.

I’ve seen this so much in my life and the lives of others. When times get tough, and sometimes when times are great, it is so easy to feel like we are running for our lives. We look for safety. The only true safety we will ever find is in the presence of the Lord. No matter what the enemy says, he is our enemy for a reason. The enemy does not desire to see us prosper. How then do we combat against such an enemy, how then do we prepare for war? I’m glad you asked…

Ephesians 6:10-18
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.”

Be prepared. That’s what this Eagle Scout says to you…be prepared because “the safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.” God will fight the battle for you and He’s even equipped us with protection. He’s equipped us with both defensive and offensive weapons. He wants us to be aware that there is indeed a battle going on around us. Don’t be discouraged, but rather be encouraged that God is on our side. He desires our hearts. Let Jesus Christ be your shepherd and walk with the Lord. Life won’t be easy, but it will be rewarding and you will be victorious in the end because…well, I have a spoiler for you. I know how it all ends…and Jesus is VICTORIOUS over the evil one, over our enemy. Know this, you aren’t alone. God is with you and He loves you. He wants to see you prosper and grow, He wants to see you be victorious.

Taking Dangerous Roads

So something struck me as I sat in traffic on 635 yesterday…and no, I it wasn’t another car, although I figure the odds are in favor of that happening eventually on this road. No what struck me is how incredibly dangerous 635 is. I think my chances of safety are better in a dark alley on the wrong side of town than driving on 635. So there I sat, in traffic, for the second time in three days (the other day having been Sunday in which I did not touch 635) watching the sign on the side of the road flashing “Traffic accident ahead.” I am fairly certain that the stretch of 635 between the Central Expressway and I-35 is one of America’s top accident prone roadways. Only a few days before, on my way to my company Christmas party, did I sit in my car for an hour while the freeway was shut down. It’s starting to become an expectation with me…travel 635 at your own peril. Of course I could take another route, but there is none as direct at driving on 635. So as I sat in my car, it dawned on me how often we take dangerous roads, whether we do so because we have to or because we choose to. Either way, dangerous roads are a part of life.

As I sat there and let that truth marinate for a while, I realized that the Bible is full of stories about roads, some dangerous, some narrow, some where transformations take place. It is very obvious that there is significance in this. We travel dangerous roads daily. It may be sin that is the danger, it could be true physical danger, it could be emotional, spiritual, etc…, but we do in fact travel dangerous roads. Now this isn’t to invoke fear or cause doubt or sorrow, but this is to make you, to make everyone aware that our safety is in the Lord, not traveling down the road of life. Too many times we put our trust and faith in the road we are on. We pop it in cruise control and our mind drifts off. Distractions come about and the next thing we know, we are off course or worse yet, we’ve encountered destruction. God wants our focus to be on Him and Him alone. In my realization of this I recalled a story that I have always found to be incredible. The people of Israel were being led out of Egypt and towards the Promised Land by Moses. On this road the people of Israel began to lose their focus on the Lord. Instead they complained and grumbled. Because of this, God sent poisonous snakes and many people died. Destruction had come to the people of Israel because they had lost their focus. I want you to read this though, and see what He does. Amazing…

Numbers 21:4-9
“They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, ‘Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!’

Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, ‘We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us.’ So Moses prayed for the people.

The LORD said to Moses, ‘Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.’ So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived.”

To the Jews, the snake on a pole symbolized a defeated serpent, but the significance of this story isn’t fully realized until Jesus says this in John. John 3:14-15: “Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.” Wow. The people stared at the symbol that was meant to symbolize Christ’s death on the cross and they lived. You see on these dangerous roads in life, it is so very easy to lose sight and at times we encounter our own personal destruction, but God’s desire for us is spelled out clearly in the Gospel. If we set our sights on Jesus He will guide us through and keep us safe. He is our cloud by day and our fire by night. He desires to walk us through these tough times, hand in hand, and at times He lifts us up and carries us. I don’t know about you, but that may just be the BEST news I’ve heard.

I can say that it feels like my life is nothing but dangerous road after dangerous road. It feels like all I do is duck and dodge one calamity after another, but as I sat there in traffic on that cold, foggy December evening I realized something. I realized that my focus needs to be on the cross. No matter the weather, no matter the road, no matter the circumstances, my focus must be on Jesus. Life can be trying at times, but God isn’t going anywhere. Contrary to Nietzsche God is most definitely NOT dead. He is very much alive and His desire is to make that known by His Spirit through Christ alone. No matter the trials, no matter the danger of the road, Jesus is there. Let these words remind you that Jesus is there with you. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” There is no one greater to put my faith in than the One who has overcome the world.

Amazing Grace

Have you ever had one of THOSE days? I’m talking about those days where about halfway through it you realize how you should have stayed in bed. Yeah…THOSE days. Well, we all have those days. It’s just kind of a part of life. I am not trying to be a pessimist or trying to be antagonistic, but I am trying to be realistic. Plus I know there isn’t a person reading this who can honestly say they haven’t had one of those days. Well, I recently had one of those days. I think I knew it would be like that when the alarm went off and my first reaction was to throw the blankets over my head and groan. I knew it would be one of those days where I needed grace.

I woke up and did my normal thing all day long, but the problem was that all day long it felt like I was going through the motions. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, wasn’t really…living. My day was, using the greatest adjective that comes to mind…blah. It was just a “blah” kind of day. As the day wore on it truly felt like there wasn’t much that would go right. I ran into roadblock after roadblock at work, which compounded my already increasing stress from traffic on the way in to work, and then to make matters worse, rather than relying on God to be my source of peace, my source of hope…well…I decided to push forward on my own…only frustrating me spiritually. It wasn’t till I sat down and truly reflected on what I had read that morning that I realized that the Lord was calling me to rely on Him for peace…and had been all day. This particular morning I read 1 Samuel 2:1-11 and I realized just how much I needed that on this particular day. You see, this little section in 1 Samuel is called “Hannah’s Prayer.” Hannah prayed this prayer as she celebrated what the Lord had done.

Hannah was a woman of faith. If you haven’t read about her or about her faith, I highly recommend it. She was Samuel’s mother, but that’s not the full story. She was also barren. She wasn’t able to have children, and in fact is says “the Lord had closed her womb.” She didn’t let this major inconvenience hold her back. She knew in her heart what she wanted and she knew in her heart the Lord’s will for her life. She prayed earnestly, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 1 Sam. 1:11. Wow…wow… I want THAT faith…to look at the impossible and say “nope, that’s not impossible!” Not only did God hear her cry and gave her a son, but He blessed her and she had many children. In fact later on it says “the Lord was gracious to Hannah” when he blessed her with more children. God’s grace granted Hannah the “cry” of her heart and He went above and beyond. Now THAT’s grace!

After taking some time to let all this settle in I realized that I still struggle with the clichéd term “let go and let God!” Yeah, it can be a hard thing to do, but at the same time, what a blessing when He hears you. As this hit me on my drive home from a tough day I just worshipped the Lord. No matter how bad a day can be, God is bigger. No matter how tough a season can be, God is greater. No matter how insurmountable an obstacle may seem, God is bigger. I chose to let traffic, and stress, and life, and finances get in the way of what kind of day the Lord wanted for me. I was overlooking the peace, and hope, and grace He offers every second, every minute. So yeah, when it hit me, all I could do was worship. I am so thankful that I saw Him in the midst of a bad day…because the story doesn’t end there. See, this whole thing is about grace for me. I was desperately in need of it on my incredibly stressful and bad day. Well, wouldn’t you know…God had a nice dose of grace just waiting for me. I was driving on a road that I’ve never driven on before, near my apartment and it was dark. I will admit, I wasn’t paying attention to the posted speed limit. So as I was driving down this dark, unfamiliar road I saw these headlights very close to me and I thought “hmmm..why are they on my tail” but those questions were erased when the red and blue lights flicked on. I knew for sure that I was about to get my first speeding ticket. I was going 50 in a 35. There was NO way I was getting out of this. I just sat and prayed to God that the police officer would show me some grace. After about ten minutes and a good talk, he let me off with a warning. You know something, God is great and His grace is amazing.

So many times we sit back and we try to let all the crud just affect us. I do it all the time. Why? Why do I do this when God is calling out to me? He desires to show His children love. Yes, sometimes that means justice, but most of the time is means grace. God shows His love to us time and time again when He gives us things we definitely don’t deserve and don’t make sense. I have a great job, a great apartment, great health, great friends, an incredible girlfriend, and a loving family. If these people and these things aren’t evidence of God’s grace in my life, then I don’t know what is, and the sad thing is that I so often overlook it all because I want to focus on the negative. Very often I want to be like Alexander and huff and puff about my “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” but at the same time God is saying “lay it at my feet, let it go, and in my you’ll find peace.” He desires grace for you and for me. I am so very thankful that I had this bad day and that He showed Himself to me in the midst of this. This particular day was a very teachable day and I am thankful He opened my eyes so that I could see and learn.

I believe the psalmist discusses grace and protection very well in Psalm 121.
“I raise my eyes toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip
your protector will not slumber.
Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protects you. The Lord is a shelter right by your side.
The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all harm;
He will protect your life.
The Lord will protect your coming and going,
both now and forever.”

God’s desire is grace for us, all we have to do is “raise our eyes” to know where our true help comes from. Grace is still a mystery to me, or rather, I still find it difficult to grasp. Incredible, marvelous, astounding, astonishing, wonderful, miraculous, inconceivable, amazing grace…I am not sure I will ever “get” it while I am here on this earth, but oh how sweet it is, how sweet it is.

Welcome back Kotter …er…Justin

Well I want to say that it’s GREAT to be back to writing. I will be back on the series of finding your purpose soon. I’ve taken a long (too long) break from writing, but I’ve actually had a chance to see God move in my life and it’s given me some insight into finding my/our purpose. So let me say that I have personally been affected by faith and patience and that when I do get back to the series it will come directly from my heart and from my experience.

First of all, let’s just give a little update on what has been going on in my life in the last two and a half months… Ok, so the last time I wrote was about at the end of April. Things were starting to change at about that time, big changes. It was at the end of April that a good friend of mine told me about a job opportunity in North Texas. I was excited and frightened out of my mind to go for this job. Aside from college, I’ve lived in Houston all my life. Yes, I travel and yes I’ve been far away from home, but leaving home…well that was something new to me. I applied and over the course of a month the company and I met via phone, email, and finally face to face. It was a perfect fit and over that month God really did a work in me to prepare me. He opened my eyes and showed me that living isn’t living if you’re afraid to move. Helen Keller so eloquently put it like this: “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

The next big thing to happen was an incredible trip to California. It just so happened that the trip occurred right after my final day of work at my previous company and two weeks before my new job (and city) would begin. California was life changing for me. I met some great people who helped me along the way. I’ve compared life to a hiking trail before, and it still holds true. I was hiking up, well, climbing would be a great way to put it too, but hiking up to summit Half Dome when I met some awesome people who allowed me to hike with them the rest of the way. And you know, that was a God blessed thing because as Justin’s luck or whatever would have it, once I reached the summit of Half Dome I dropped my camera and broke it. Fortunately my new friends were gracious enough to take pictures and then email them to me. That’s how it is in life. We meet special people that may help us get through a season or may help us for a moment, but they leave a lasting impact. Well, this hike affected me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Spiritually I had to rely on the Lord to get through this hike. I turned back three times before I heard a small voice telling me it would be ok…more on the spiritual part later. Emotionally I broke down on this hike. I wept as I thought about leaving my home, my family, my friends behind and moving to a new city. Yes, I had friends…well, I have Shaun and Angie…heck the whole McClain family which is my second family so yeah, but still, I was leaving familiarity for something not familiar. And it also broke my heart to leave my niece. I’ve seen her grow from coming home from the hospital to a beautiful 6 and a half year old. So that WAS HARD!! Physically, I was exhausted. I probably burned about 10,000 calories that day and, even though I was eating along the trail, I nearly passed out in Yosemite Village after the hike. That night I slept through three text messages and a phone call and woke up 14 hours later. The rest of the trip was amazing. After Half Dome I felt closer to God. I felt as if we’d connected intimately. I journaled the day before Half Dome that I was giving my life (well, of course), but specifically I was giving God my finances, my job, my future, and my romantic life (future girlfriend/spouse) to the Lord. Let’s just say this…it’s paid off in huge, HUGE dividends. I went to Napa and Sonoma Valley after leaving Yosemite and it was a chance to unwind and just enjoy myself. I’ve laughed more, smiled more, and have generally just enjoyed life more since my trip. I don’t fear being alone, as evidenced by eating in some pretty swanky places in Napa all by my lonesome. I enjoyed it and in a way, I don’t think this trip could have been what it was if I hadn’t been alone.

God truly blessed that and He’s blessed my faith and courage through both the move to Dallas and the trip to California. I look back over the last year or so and I see that what God has been doing in me is preparing me for this changed. A year ago I would not have considered Dallas as an option and I thoroughly enjoyed my control over the certain areas I specifically gave to God. Once I released these things and gave them to God, He opened the floodgates of blessing. I have an incredible job and I know that this is the place He wants me to be at. I have an incredibly blessed life and that’s not to brag, but instead it’s to tell a tale of how God took me from a situation that spelled gloom and doom for me and He delivered me from it. I haven’t experienced joy like I am experiencing now. He’s taken every area I specifically prayed for and released and He’s blessed me in all those areas…that’s right all of ‘em. ;) Again, it’s not to brag, but to just tell a tale that if we are to be purposeful people we have to be willing to move forward in faith, be patient, and let God handle it. I’ve been here in Dallas three weeks and it feels right, well…it is right…and this past Sunday…well…I know what it means now to wait patiently on Him and He will bless you in ways that you can’t ever imagine. This is exactly where I am supposed to be, and there’s nothing better than being right where God wants you. So lean on the Lord and listen to His voice as it calls you. Don’t put your faith in yourself, put in the Most Holy God, the Savior Jesus Christ and embrace the rich and blessed life He has in store for you.

Proverbs 3:5-12 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

So that’s what’s been up! I am glad to be back to writing and am looking forward to pouring myself out on paper (well, ok, the Internet…whatever) as well as looking forward to giving you some personal life updates in the future.

I am alive!!!

I just wanted to post an update. Internet connectivity, cell phone reception, etc... is fairly crummy where I am. So with this little window of time I wanted to say that I survived both rafting and my Half Dome summit. My camera bit the dust when I dropped it and broke it on Half Dome, but that's ok. I will get a new one and I made some great new friends while hiking. Earl (one of the people I met) took some pictures of my on top of Half Dome and using the cables coming back down. The hike was incredible and it truly tested me physically, mentally, and spiritually. In fact I think I see something incredible that God is doing in me and in my life on this trip. He is making all things new. Last year when I went to Colorado He helped me refocus my life on Him and on Christ. Through that trip I was able to shave off the crap and truly be the man God wanted me to be. Now this trip...well this trip is about making a new life. I've met some incredible people on this trip...one in particular, I have a new job and city to go to when I get back, I have a new outlook on things, my attitude and my health are renewed. The list goes on, but what I see is God's hand moving in my life. He refocused me a year ago to prepare me for the loss I would endure, but also for the new things, people, places, relationships He would bring me. Thank you God for making all things new.

A Blog Long Overdue

Ok, so I have wrestled with writing this particular blog. As you can tell I have been a bit negligent in my blogging over the past month. That has everything to do with the subject at hand. I feel that once I get this out there then I will be able to get back to “Finding Our Purpose.” This is a very personal and sensitive subject to me, but I do feel like I would be lying through omission if I didn’t come out and say it.

Ok, so here goes…I recently went through a rough divorce. The fault doesn’t fall on any one person to be honest. I would be unfair if I laid blame on anyone else, but myself. Now, I know that it takes two people for things like this to happen, but examining myself I learned that I wasn’t being the man of God I needed to be which led to strife and fighting within the marriage. Upon separating a year ago I vowed to grow closer to God, to have Him do a work in me and make me the man He intended me to be. I thought that in doing so He would reconcile things and restore my marriage. This, obviously, did not happen, but something did happen in me.

You see, God did a work in me that I can’t really put into words, but I’ll try anyway. I realized that I had grown comfortable with life. I was in a rut in the worst way. What God did was remove me from a place of comfort and He placed me in the wilderness. I was either going to die doing this myself or I was going to go through this journey with Him as my guide.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

The Psalmist pretty much sums up my daily prayer for almost a year and sums up the journey I took. See, early on in this separation/divorce I was angry. The fear/comfort/anger/etc… that had built up in the marriage spilled over into my personal life. Spiritually I was a mess, emotionally I was a wreck, and physically…well…the 45-50 pounds I lost during that time weren’t ALL from working out. The downward spiral I had begun during my marriage had carried over and I was now in a freefall.

I am not sure what it was, but I had a moment of peace just long enough to hear the Spirit calling me into the wild. After about a month and a half tailspin I let it go. I let go of the things holding me back. That’s not saying I gave up on the marriage, on the contrary, I realized to restore something lost I would have to allow God to restore me. So I planned a trip to the quiet wilderness of the majestic mountains in Colorado. It would be a time in which I would undergo intense physical, emotional, and spiritual trials. I would have to push myself. I went on this trip as a man who didn’t know what the future would hold. I went on this trip as a man who was unsure of himself, unsure of his purpose in life, a man with intense fears and a man who had grown complacent in life. I went into the mountains as this man, but I emerged as someone entirely different.

You see, the Lord stripped away all my fears and chipped at the rough edges that I had allowed to become part of me. I know that the change occurred there in the Rocky Mountains. It was evident. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically I was different. The joy that was always there, but hidden due to my blindness, was back in plain sight. I went from a man of fear and insecurity to a man of faith, reliance upon the Lord, and a man full of the Spirit. Now I don’t say this to brag, but on the rather I say to point out God’s faithfulness. What I have seen occur in myself over the past year has been nothing short of astounding. I laugh more, I live more, I fear less, I trust the Lord more, and the list goes on. My life was radically changed during this trip into the wilderness.

Unfortunately for the marriage, my change didn’t come soon enough. I have had a number of Godly men tell me this: “Justin, we are sad that this happened, but we are excited to see God’s plan and new direction for your life.” At first I was dumbfounded by this. Why would anyone see excitement in divorce, but as time has passed I am finally seeing what these men were saying. Divorce isn’t really the point here. It happened, it’s sad, but it’s time to move on. The point being made here is that there is a new direction that my life is heading. This new direction is one that God is in the process of guiding me through. He is in full control and I am thankful for that. I am a new man, a REAL man, an exciting man, and man of faith and I am now moving down a path that the Lord is guiding me down.

From this loss is coming a greater blessing. It is like a forest fire. The fire raged through and destroyed all in its path, but from the ashes a more fertile forest is growing. And that, my friends, is the point of this blog. I am not in any way saying that divorce is a good thing, but I am saying that from bad things can come blessings. I am already seeing these seeds sprout in my life and I am excited about these things. I am blessed to have so many people in my life that have been there for me, have prayed for me, and have lifted my head up when I didn’t have strength to do it myself. Thank you all who have been a part of this process. Words cannot express just how much you all mean to me. I love you all. If you have questions, please feel free to ask me. Call me, email me, etc…, but don’t hesitate. It is no longer a difficult subject. It has become part of my story and I feel like God has given me this experience to share with others.

The story of my life, my legacy, is still being written. Praise the Lord for that. This past weekend opened my eyes to quite a few things. The next chapter of my life is already looking interesting and I can’t wait to explore it, to experience it, and to share it with you all. Those who are in the know…know what I am talking about…and those who aren’t…well, stay tuned.